Yes. They Made Three of These Movies.

Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans-Bill Nighy, Michael Sheen, Rhona Mitra

Director: Patrick Tatopoulos


SEE?



Rise of the Lycans is apparently a prequel to the first two Underworld movies. Having seen neither previous movie, I still figured I'd be okay to figure out the story. It can't be that complicated. And, let's be honest, with the likes Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen in this vampire/werewolf franchise, well, it's like having Peter O'Toole and Richard Burton appear in the original Terminator. (Yeah. It's just not right.) But even actors have bills to pay, I guess. Also, I suspect many actors, tired of the boring rigidity of standard modern day roles, relish the idea of letting loose with I nice role you can sink your teeth into. (Yes. I went there. You knew I would.)

Despite my misgivings regarding casting, I found myself kind of enjoying the experience and the over-the-top vampy (er....never mind) acting. The Underworld series is apparently not that much of a stretch for British actors like Nighy, Sheen and Mitra. It is essentially a period costume drama about royalty and serfs. And when we think about the British film industry, we think-gangster movies, Bond movies, period costume dramas. Just not usually with vampires. Our actors here must have felt right at home, if a little silly in all that leather.


I did have some concerns about the world these "characters" live in. I noticed that Michael Sheen sure buffs up and tans nicely. He's a werewolf in this film. I guess werewolves are tan when they're not furry. Although he lives around vampires, and vampires generally shun sunlight. Still, he's very tan. Must have good tanning beds in the vampire fortress. And speaking of vampires, what gives? Aren't vampires supposed to be all bad ass and immortal. The killing is more like an all you eat buffet without the usual sexy malice that vampire film aficionados crave. Not very interesting. The love story between Selene (Rhona Mitra) and Lucian (Sheen) is oddly disturbing. Mostly because when I think of romance my thoughts tend to wander toward making babies and, (spoiler alert) in fact, Selene does become pregnant with Lucian's child. Um, excuse me? The offspring of vampire and a werewolf looks like what exactly? Don't you have to be living to procreate? (I'm just a stickler for rules of the undead, I guess.) And where exactly does one send such half-breed children to school? Random thoughts I had while waiting for the movie to end.


Oh, and speaking of making babies. The love scenes don't leave as much to the imagination as I wish they had. Especially the hanging over the cliff shot. Thanks for that. Anyway, if period costume vampire werewolf feud movies are your cup of blood then you can probably endure this for 92 minutes. How painful can it be? Oh wait, the sex scene just flashed into my mind again. Forget it.


EAT.


Meat! What else? While I watched this movie all I could think about was sinking my teeth into a thick, juicy human. What?! For an all you can eat meat extravaganza, check out Picanha Burbank. The website says they offer "Brazilian style churrascaria barbecue and the complete Brazilian cowboy dining experience." I don't know what the hell that is, but I know it involves meat, and eating flesh is what Underworld is all about. For locations visit, http://www.picanharestaurant.com/. Bring your fangs.


SHOP.


Leather. Never seen so much leather. You would think if you were a werewolf, you'd be hesitant to wear the product of another animal's flesh, but then again, you're apparently a werewolf with a weakness for tanning beds so what do I know? I would imagine the cleaning bill for removing all of that blood would be rather exorbitant. Well, bygones. Let it be said, there's something about Michael Sheen's bare chest peeking out of a long black leather coat that just says "eat me" (Um. Or something like that.) So, I say bring on the tight leather pants and strange leather man-corsets. (This is what happens when you let a creature designer direct.) C'mon! Why did you think I went to see the movie? It ain't like it's Shakespeare. For your connection to the dark side of dressing, creep on over to http://www.darklinks.com/. You can check out the directory of gothic clothing store options or explore the equally prolific list of gargoyle stores if leather's not your thing.