And now we know we're screwed.

SUPERBOWL XLIII



SEEN.


I don't watch the Superbowl because I care about football. In my home state of Texas, watching football is mandatory whether you like it or not. Still, I admit I enjoy the sport. The unchecked testosterone. The obsessive fans. The tight pants. All fascinating. But on Superbowl Sunday, I don't watch for the sake of watching a football game. I want to root for the underdog in America's most relentlessly commercial televised event. No, I'm not talking about the poor Arizona Cardinals. I'm talking about us. The U.S. that is. The American consumer who, this year, is on edge with the ever present threat of sudden unemployment and yet is still, without mercy, throttled by the most expensive 30 seconds of insipid advertising known to man. Advertising so expensive that the combined cost of it all could have kept Bank of America afloat. Advertising so brainless as to be an insult to the very people it purports to want to impress. America, I was rooting for you to survive both the commercials and the over-hyped halftime show. How did you do? First, let's see what you were up against in between plays.

I think we were all collectively stunned when the commercials started repeating themselves. No offense to the Peacock, but how many times can I watch your shameless whoring (I mean "promotion") of Chuck in 3-D? (Why does Chuck even need to be in 3-D?) That coveted ad space for America's most watched television program did not sell out. Shocking that so many "responsibly" managed companies could not afford to buy airtime at $100,000 per second. Budweiser apparently bought time in bulk and received a discount. Good for fans of the Clydesdale and Conan O'Brien. Not so much for the rest of us. Remember when colleges used to be able to advertise during the Superbowl? Yeah , me either.





Now for the upside of Superbowl XLIII. Sort of.



Jennifer Hudson delivers. Months after a devastating family tragedy that would sideline even the toughest and most anonymous of people, she turns in a "Star Spangled Banner" that will live on in history. At least, I think it will.





The Boss is one bendy 59 year-old. It's been years since I've seen Bruce Springsteen in concert, but I'll tell you what, I'll bet on him against any angsty twenty-something rocker for energy level ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. I winced every time I saw him drop down to his knees or up on his toes. When he slid across the stage on his knees, my whole lower body quivered. And, frankly, I think the cameraperson on the receiving end of his slide quivered as well. What Bruce was doing with the microphone stand between his legs would have been censored on ABC. Sorry, kids. Whether you like his music or not, you just got schooled. Still the Boss as far as I'm concerned.




Commercials: Part Deux. Every year, we consumers are asked to vote for our favorite commercial. Kind of like asking us to vote for the instrument of torture we'd most like to be punished with. Still, here it goes. The "crystal ball" Doritos commercial is my favorite. (Sorry, Budweiser. I'm not a fan of Clydesdales.) It was a very "make your own destiny" sort of ad with a touch of the "but this may not work for everyone" thrown in for good measure. My runner-up would be Careerbuilders.com. I choose them not just because most people can completely identify with the premise, but also because any company with the balls to tell us that "it may be time" to change jobs when 60,000 jobs were lost in one day alone remains on such a level of positive delusion that an award seems the only viable response. This is, after all, America.



EATEN.




No, Mr. Springsteen, I didn't have any chicken wings to put down. Superbowl favorite foods this year are: chips and guacamole, Adam's pulled pork sandwiches, and Melody's lemon bars. Can't...stop...eating....




SHOP.




3-D glasses. Apparently, NBC has developed a new and exciting form of 3-D which can make even the blandest commercial jump through the television screen and grab onto your wallet. I don't know if you have to have a specific pair of these glasses for each and every 3-D gimmicky movie or TV show out there, but, just in case you want to watch something other than Chuck in 3-D or My Bloody Valentine 3-D or Madea Goes to Jail 3-D (no, not really), check out http://www.3dglassesonline.com/. This way you can always have a pair on hand for your 3-D viewing emergencies. What?! What are you looking at? Hey, who knows, maybe, they'll start shooting the evening news in 3-D. Now that'll be entertaining.