Breaking the Bank.

The International-Clive Owen, Naomi Watts


SEE?







I'm not a complicated person. I like a simple plot, a simple premise, simple actions, a simple resolution. Simple, simple, simple. The International seems on it's surface to be a simple movie. There is a big, bad bank doing big, bad things to people via a big, bad villain. Our hero, played by Clive Owen, must find evidence of said big bad villainy and ensure that the big, bad villains are duly punished. Let the simplicity commence! Guns blazing, fists fighting, people running, our heroes getting hit by cars and trucks. Let the good times roll. Alas, this movie is not so simple. This is bad news for simple minds like mine. The plot=something to do with banks making weapons deals to create wars so they can control the debts of nations and wield big, bad villain-like power. Evil master plan. You know the drill. It's like a James Bond movie with a financial premise that even Ben Bernanke couldn't follow. Okay, maybe it wasn't that convoluted. Maybe I was just so unbelievably bored that I couldn't process that much information. Talk, talk, talk, talk. Also, big bad villain guy is not at all scary. You know my rule-villains should be really ornery. My grandma could take this guy, and she's not with us anymore. Capiche?



I have another issue. (Hard to believe, I know.) The chick half of this flick confuses me. Naomi Watts! What is your function in this movie? You're not playing a damsel in distress. You're really not a love interest because you're not romantically involved with Clive's character. You can't be the hero, because you're not as tall as Clive Owen. Could you actually be playing a competent, intellectual female character who is trying to do her job and not just be the sexual sidekick? We don't do that in Hollywood! No wonder it's called The International.







Apparently, Europeans don't read the same books on how to make a blockbuster that we here in Hollywood skim through. Figures. No American lead actors. Only one American location (the quintessential American location-New York City.) Why am I not surprised? You know, this film strikes me as an poor excuse to travel to Berlin (who shoots in Berlin, anyway?) and Milan. The primary filming in New York involves destroying the Guggenheim museum on such a catastrophic level that it was probably a set built in Berlin. Gee. I wish I could create some excuse to travel the world and call it work. I guess there's always travel writing.





EAT.





German food and beer, of course! You just don't see that many movies shot in Berlin. Or at least, if they are shot there, no one will cop to it. But c'mon, who doesn't like weinerschnitzel? Oh, wait, apparently that's from Vienna. Um, how about the beer? German beer it is! Belly up to http://www.german-breweries.com/. They'll take you through all the German brews and brewhauses (or however, you say brewhouse in German.) You can peruse beer types and get addresses (hope you can read German 'cause clicking on certain breweries did not give me bilingual options.) You can even purchase the comprehensive guide to carry with you. If beer just ain't enough to sustain you, visit http://www.travelsthroughgermany.com/ for all the travel information on Germany your heart desires. Lord knows, if you worked on this movie, travel information was your top concern.





SHOP.








International travel supplies. Seriously. All the places these people had to go?! You'd better be able to navigate airports like the back of your hand. Try http://www.magellans.com/ for all your travel needs. If you're going after a worldwide banking conspiracy, you'd better be able to pack efficiently. And you'd better be packing good drugs. These people get hit by cars more than your average roadkill. And they walk away. Right. They must be taking the good stuff. Muscle relaxers and Ibuprofen 600 recommended by http://www.answers.yahoo.com/ (search under car crash pain) for those unexpected times that you get hit by a moving vehicle.