I Suspend All Disbelief

The Time Traveler's Wife-Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams



MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!!







SEE.





Okay. You got me. I kinda almost shed a tear at the end of this movie. Whatever. It was watchable. I got suckered in. They prey upon the weak. Doesn't hurt that Eric Bana exudes a strangely clueless sexy charm when he's not playing a stoic action hero. Rachel McAdams with her giant eyes, even bigger smile and perfect skin. They're just soooo pretty. Soooo tragic. How could you not be sucked in? That's all well and good, but if your character is so hard up for a date that when he time travels, he courts a six year-old, it seems to me that said character should get a therapist not his own movie. (I know. I know. He meets her in the future and the past.) Still creepy. Would have been less creepy to have Henry (Eric Bana) time travel to see Claire (Rachel McAdams) when he was a six year old boy instead of a forty year old man to her six years. Is it me?





I won't speak a lot about this movie. Who can argue the premise? I mean I submitted to view a movie about time travel. What am I gonna complain about? It's my own damn fault if I don't understand how a baby time travels out of the womb. And, if a kid is three years old and time travelling, what could the odds of survival possibly be? I mean, Henry is six when he starts time travelling. Hardly equipped to survive in the world for days at a time without money, clothes and guidance. I guess sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug in this movie. (P.S.-The BBC apparently thinks The Time Traveler's Wife is one of one hundred books in the history of the world that you should read. Yeah. I don't get it either, but, hey, read the book, maybe it explains infant time travelers better.) Oh, but kudos for setting up the sequel everybody. I'm totally ready for The Time Traveler's Daughter Who Also Time Travels. Cool
title, huh?




EAT.



Good news. If you're a time traveler, dieting is gonna be a snap. Chances are you'll never get to finish a meal.





SHOP.



C'mon. Why would you buy anything at all? You're gonna be travelling randomly through time! Naked! I guess you might want to invest in skills like weaving, sewing and knitting so you can make yourself some clothes just in case you wind up in a time period without a shopping center on every corner. So craft up, baby. Get yourself a skill set at http://www.learntoweavewithsherrie.com/ or http://www.learntoknit.com/ or http://sewing.about.com/od/beginner1/bb/sewing101.htm. Or you can just go au naturel in the world. Surely, if you're randomly thrown through time and hitting on six year old children, clothes are the least of your problems.

Not the Next Julia Child

Julie & Julia-Meryl Streep, Amy Adams

Director-Nora Ephron


SEE.

Okay. Brace yourselves. I actually read the book upon which this movie is based. (I know, I know. The world as you know it has ended.) I was empowered by Julie Powell's book. She inspired me to cook food with no fear. She inspired me to write a blog. She inspired me to take chances. Powell's book was funny and touching. She wove a great story of how love and success can overcome personal failure and self-doubt as we travelled down her culinary path with Julia Child. Through it all, Julie Powell's foibles and faults were made more charming by her use of Julia Child's life and letters as a way to make sense of all the ups and downs of Powell's own life.


That said, no one I know who saw the film version of Julie and Julia has any regard for Julie Powell as a character. I will stress the character part because, hell, I don't personally know Julie Powell. Maybe she is not the sniveling, screaming, crying, wimpy basketcase-from-hell who stumbled upon phenomenal success by cooking from a cookbook (gotta love America) and writing a blog about it as she is portrayed by Amy Adams. (God help her husband if she is.) I'm sorry. Did that sound bitter? There is literally not a shred of sympathy to be scraped up for the film's Julie Powell. We just want to punch her. This is a shame, because I truly believe that the woman who found success in the world, the woman who wrote the book has more substance to her than we ever see in the movie. Nora Ephron cheated Julie Powell of that depth to focus on the crowning Julia of the movie-Julia Child.


Who wouldn't want to focus on Meryl Streep? She brings Julia Child to life with a vivaciousness that makes it impossible not to love Julia Child. Hard damn competition for Ms. Powell. Even in the face of failure, Streep's Child does not fully cower. She certainly does not fall into a sobbing heap over a chicken like Ms. Powell. She is absolutely heroic in her approach to life which is absolutely what Julie Powell discovered in her quest to bake, broil and braise her way through Child's cookbook. Sad that Nora Ephron and Amy Adams couldn't make Ms. Powell's character and quest something to which the audience could aspire. I guess we'll have to leave it to Ms. Powell's book instead. (I know, I know. Shocking. Read a book? What the hell?)


EAT.

C'mon. You can do this. Even if you can't boil water. You gotta try. That's what these stories are about. Conquer your fear. Take life by the lobster tails. Cook yourself something. It doesn't have to be from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. (If it is be sure you have a fire extinguisher handy.) Make yourself something simple then sit back and bask in the glow of a good meal. To help you get there...


SHOP.

No idea how one learns to cook online, but rest assured, if it needs doing, you can find it on the web. Slice and dice yourself proud (but not bloody please) at http://www.cookingdude.com/ or http://www.chef2chef.net/learn-to-cook/ or http://www.fooddoneright.com/online-cooking-school/. Bon appetit! (Maybe you should get the fire extinguisher just in case.)

Funny People- Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen

Director-Judd Apatow


SPOILER ALERT!




SEE.


I'm not an Adam Sandler fan. Before you get all judgmental, it's not that I don't like Adam Sandler. It's just that his particular brand of humor doesn't move me. (With the exception of the brilliant "Hanukkah Song.") Funny People, however, has brought me a whole new level of respect for Adam Sandler as an actor. No, I really mean it. The plot: A stand-up comedian turned movie star, George Simmons (Sandler), fdiscovers he has a potentially fatal disease and decides to reconnect with a now married ex-girlfriend. Just to make this a man-friendly plot, we throw in aspiring comedian, Ira Wright (Seth Rogen) to be his personal assistant. You with me so far? Good, 'cause I'm not going any farther. (Okay, this is not a big stretch for Sandler. It's not like he's playing a 17th century British poet or something. Still, he gets the job done well without being over the top and weepy.)


Frankly, Sandler's George Simmons can be a hard character to like and he still makes us root for him. He appears to be a pretty good guy (giving his assistant, Ira, opportunities to perform his own routine and giving his possessions away) but when Simmons unleashes his anger on his fans, he doesn't hold back. That's a tough line to tow, and probably why Apatow needed an Adam Sandler instead of a Jim Carrey or an Eddie Murphy. Sandler can house the "nice guy/asshole" character in one body and still not completely piss you off. As far as casting goes, Apatow's muse du jour, Seth Rogen, is tailor-made for the part of Ira Wright. I mean he really commits to cluelessness. Only Rogen could bring the role of a goofy aspiring comic with a heart of gold to life with such full-throttle naivete, and still leave the audience a little charmed.




Unfortunately, Apatow needs a little work with the womenfolk. Unless schizo former actress who goes from "I hate you. Don't call me." to "You're my one true love. Let's have sex." in zero to sixty is your cup of tea. Don't get me wrong. I understand. George is dying so she has nothing to lose. (Hell, I might give this tactic a try with some of my friends one day.) But, once you know that the guy is not dying and, not only is he not dying anymore, but he has his assistant tell you-well, you should get a clue. This chick is a mess. (Leave your kids alone with some guy you just met 'cause he's your ex-boyfriend's assistant. I don't think so.) Apatow is a guy's writer which is not a problem generally, but it makes for somewhat one-sided storytelling. Real, non-crazy women exist, even in comedyland, Judd. Find one.

EAT.



Thanksgiving dinner in Los Angeles with friends. No family. George's speech about that being the best Thanksgiving those kids would ever have was absolutely true. In celebration of friendship in the city where your friends sleep with your lovers for your own good, order up an early Thanksgiving and invite some long lost friends to celebrate. Order up at http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/84915/where_to_find_prepared_thanksgiving.html?cat=8.




SHOP.



Ah, what to do when you have thousands of dollars worth of free gifts and cars to give away before your imminent death. What's that? You don't have that problem. Don'y worry. You will. Get prepared at http://www.freecycle.org/ Give it away, give it away, give it away now. Oh, and I'm open to receiving. Just so you know.

Truth in Advertising

The Ugly Truth-Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler


SEE?

"Men cannot grow, change or progress," Mike, host of The Ugly Truth. Apparently, neither can Hollywood.








I'm going to borrow a line from another movie I just saw to describe this movie-"This is not a love story." A love story is about how two people grow together and accept each other's more negative qualities because of their love. Each person becomes a better person for knowing the other person. Or some bulls**t like that. This is not what happens in The Ugly Truth. I didn't realize that going in. I did the same old thing I always do. I went to see a romantic comedy in order to gain some insight into to how to get a date. (No, I don't know why I keep doing this. I must be clinically insane.) Alas, no insight was to be gained here.





Here we have the same old standard premise. Abby (Katherine Heigl), a successful, smart, attractive woman, described as a "control freak" (a quality without which she would not excel at her job) finds herself alone with her cat, her knitting and her list of qualities which her perfect mate must have. (How new and inventive!) When her station manager decides to employ Mike (Gerard Butler), a misleadingly cocky and seemingly misogynistic cable television show host, Abby finds herself a bit flummoxed. The situation rapidly deteriorates when Abby meets her neighbor, The Perfect Man, and, in a shocking twist of fate, makes a deal with Mike: Help me land this man, and I will forever shut my mouth about your demeaning relationship advice for women. And, thusly, the plot plods on.




We, the stupefied audience, get to watch Abby sex up and dumb down to get her man aided by the somewhat disturbing advice of Mike. I mean the unsuitably sexy wardrobe, the hot dog eating scene, the vibrating underwear, the fake hair, the unwillingness to express an opinion or criticize. Let's all stop for a minute and ponder the sick male mind that thought this movie up. What's that? It's written by women? A lot of women, in fact. I'm forced to wonder, "Are they intentionally trying to be female versions of Judd Apatow?" Didn't Katherine Heigl, herself, criticize his movies as misogynistic? What the hell is going on?




But wait. I understand what they were trying to accomplish. I think. As we watch Abby become, well, un-Abby, we see Mike grow to love her even as he tries to shape her into the kind of woman The Perfect Man would want. Soon Mike realizes he loves her "control freakishness," her short hair, her awkward celebratory jig, and her know-it-allism. (Or does he?) And Abby warms to Mike's gruffness, his dedication to raising his nephew, his deeply hidden intelligence and the broken heart he hides beneath his objectification of women. (Or does she?) And slowly, they realize that though they can't stand each other they love each other. Hmmm. No that's not it. I don't understand after all.




When Abby asks Mike why he loves her, he says he has no idea. That I believe. Why, instead of loving her despite the things he sees as flaws, can't he come to see what an impressive, intelligent person she is? Eventually Abby sees that pretending to be a different person order to land her perfect man is ridiculous. Still, she doesn't learn to appreciate her "flaws" (intelligence, dedication, unwillingness to be pushed around in a "man's game") as good traits that would be admirable if they belonged to a man in her position. And why doesn't Abby come to realize that The Perfect Man is the one who realizes how great she is the way she is? (I know. I'm a sappy romantic who will never date.)



And what about Mike? On the outside-asshole, on the inside-deeply wounded. Waaaay on the inside. He still remains a so moderately misogynistic tv host. Shouldn't he realize that trying to change who a person really is can only lead to a failed relationship? Shouldn't he discover that the whole basis for his show is a lie? Apparently not. He doesn't really learn anything, and Abby doesn't really learn anything. This, I humbly submit, is where this movie fails. And that is the ugly truth.




EAT. (Or not.)

Hot dogs. I will never eat hot dogs in front of a man again. Or whole pickles. Or bananas. You get the drift.




SHOP.




Um. I haven't been to the Hustler store in a while. A loooong while. Vibrating underwear? Haven't seen that at my local Victoria's Secret. Hey! I'm game. BRING 'EM ON. Sure. Why not? Katherine Heigl's character loses the remote to these lacy babies at a business dinner and is forced to present a business plan while her remote (and other parts of her) are being handled by a kid at the next table. Not creepy or degrading at all, Ms. Heigl. Let's all reflect on Meg Ryan's "orgasm" scene at a restaurant in When Harry Met Sally. I'm sure if we think real hard we can ascertain the fundamental difference in what Meg Ryan's character was doing versus Ms. Heigl's scene. If you must trip the remote fantastic, get down and dirty at http://www.bootyparlor.com/turn-me-on-vibrating-panties.html?cid=0P3O1O&jkId=8a8ae4cc1da2ae17011e2d105e86554e&jt=1&jadid=1995413584&js=1&jk=vibrating%20underwear&jsid=10996&jmt=1&&gclid=CP-l9P3ihpwCFR0SagodEw7g_Q. I bet you can find better ways to spend your money. Then again, if you've paid to this movie, maybe you can't.