Better Off Not Knowing

Knowing-Nicholas Cage, Rose Byrne


MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!



SEE.

First, let's talk about our "hero." Nicholas Cage-astrophysicist. 'Nuf said. No really. It's not the first time we've seen Mr. Cage cast in the role of scientist with awe-inspiring genius. C'mon. You remember The Rock. Well, maybe you don't. But you should remember Nicholas Cage playing chemical weapons specialist, Dr. Stanley Goodspeed. What is it about Nicholas Cage that generates such confidence in his ability to convey on-screen superintelligence among casting agents? Hell if I know. When I listen to him spouting off technical scientific jargon, I'm not inspired to confidence. I don't think, "Wow, this guy really knows what he's talking about!" Nope. Wrongfully convicted military man trapped with a bunch of escaped convicts. Regular Joe who makes a deal with the devil and becomes a "Ghost Rider." I'll even buy a magician who possesses the power to see the future. But "astrophysicist?" Sorry, my puny little brain simply cannot reconcile Nicolas Cage with that role. Nothing to do with the man's actual i.q. so much as the on-screen persona he has consistently projected over the years. Tell me I'm wrong. Go ahead. Make my day.





But on the upside, if you're looking for a reason to go suicidal, then this movie is for you. 'Cause when all hope is lost and you expect a hero to rise up and save the day through some farfetched loophole in quantum physics theory, well that's just too bad. Not gonna happen. Knowing seeks to answer the question of whether random, uncontrollable s**t just happens or whether there's rhyme and reason in the universe. You know where this one's going. Solvable patterns exist in the movie ,but they're not particularly helpful in saving the planet. Nope. It's just the end of everything. (Well, almost everything. I won't spoil that part.)








Look, we all go to these strange-patterns-in-the-universe movies for the same reason. (No. Not to see what Nic Cage is doing with his hair these days.) We go to find meaning. Deep down in the irrational recesses of our hearts and minds, we hope that somewhere out there, there is a plausible explanation for whatever troubles us- 9/11, strange glowing lights in the night sky, what have you. Despite a fairly interesting path to the endgame, this figure-out-the-clever patterns movie leaves a fairly disappointing taste in the brain. This is primarily because we human beings have a fairly standard set of go to guys when all hope is lost-superheroes, aliens and Bruce Willis. Well, Bruce Willis ain't in this movie, and nobody's wearing a latex suit. (That leaves us one option. I'll leave it to your imagination to decide how that plays out.) In the end, it turns out we're just better off not knowing.





EAT.





The end of the world is upon us, who's gonna eat? Well, I have good news. Vegetarians live. Oh, yeah. The whole kid turning into a vegetarian at the beginning of the movie was not lost on me. You know what I have to say to that not so subtle dig at carnivores-bring on the burgers! I'm gonna grill my animal killing ass off to celebrate the char-broiling of the planet earth. I mean really. If we're all going to die-who's going to count my cholesterol. Oh, and since nobody's going to collect payment, I'm going to get the biggest, baddest grill on the soon-to-be-incinerated planet. For the last best grilling recipes you'll ever have on this earth, visit http://www.grilling-recipes.com/ .



SHOP.





Really? What are you gonna buy? The earth is about to be incinerated by a humongous solar flare. You want more sunscreen?! What I suggest is that we gather the smartest people in the world and make them watch The Core. If we build a lot of deep core penetrating machines like they built in The Core, we can dig down deep enough to escape the radiation. What we do after that is anybody's guess. After all the entire world's gonna burn. What are we gonna eat down in the earth's core? Nevermind. Just get the sunblock and a front row seat to Armageddon.