What was old is new again.

Star Trek-Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto




Director-J.J. Abrams

Spoiler Alert!!



SEE.







The nice thing about having low expectations is that you are usually pleasantly surprised. As I was here. Not as kitschy as your father's Star Trek is how I would describe this film. The story (a simple revenge tale, nothing extravagant) fairly well told. By fairly well told, I mean that the we, the audience, genuinely want to see what happens, not because of the history of the franchise, but because the initial setup creates interest in our lead characters. (No. Movies do not always accomplish that part.) This story also turns what we know about Star Trek on it's head-Spock as captain?! What the hell! (Sadly, Zachary Quinto is not quite as cool as Leonard Nimoy, but thanks to that tricky space-time continuum,we get to enjoy the nuanced eyebrow-arching of Nimoy as well.) Now let the photon torpedoes fly. But first, a word from our casting office.



Chris Pine as William Shatner, um...I mean as James T. Kirk actually surprised me a bit. I won't lie. I was thinking just another pretty face. In fact, this movie was dubbed Star Trek: 90210 by some of my geekier friends (Sorry, boys. You know who you are.) Frankly, Mr. Pine left me a bit cold after his work in Bottleneck. Yet in Star Trek, Pine exhibits rather astute comic timing and a Steve McQueenish charm that make him a much more appealing Kirk than I would have ever imagined. Low expectations lead to surprisingly positive results. Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about the dramatic moments, however. This is Star Trek for cryin' out loud not Hamlet (Nope. No Jean-Luc Picard in this one. Sorry, people.)

But enough glowing reviews. It's not all roses. Why, for example, in the whole wide universe would any nation, nevermind an entire planet give up their defenses for a few lousy spaceships? Kinda sucks when all the spaceships leave your planet and get destroyed, don'tcha think? Maybe you should have a backup plan just in case an alien from the future comes back in time to destroy your homeworld. I know, I know. You can't plan for every contingency, but you can try.

Finally, a word about villains. Again, as you know, I am very particular about my villains. There will never be a Star Trek villain as ruthless and menacing as Ricardo Montalban's Khan. (I personally attribute his menace to his curious accent.) I love Eric Bana, but it's just too hard to induce empathy as a villain if the explanation for your revenge-seeking is left too late in the story. It is too hard to create a visceral desire to see the villain destroyed if the guy who should want to destroy him doesn't quite seem to care. For some strange reason, Spock gets all the play here. "Oh, Nero destroyed my homeworld. Oh, I don't know how to control these all too human emotions that have supplanted the Vulcan control I've known all my life." Boo hoo.

Hello? What about Kirk? Nero does kill Kirk's father after all (albeit when he's a newborn.) Yet, Kirk just doesn't seem as motivated by a desire to see his father's murderer brought to justice. He'd rather punch people and make cute jokes, I guess. What the hell? You almost want to see Spock inherit the Enterprise instead of Kirk. I blame all of this on the villain. If you have a truly hateable villain, it all falls into place. I don't care if you shave Eric Bana's head and tattoo his whole body, he's still not hateable (except in Hulk.) Better luck with the villain next time, J.J. Maybe pull a page out of Alias.

EAT.

Yeah. There's a Star Trek Cookbook. Not the cool Star trek though. This one is conjured up by Ethan Phillips (of Star Trek Voyager fame as well as Benson) and William J. Birnes (I don't know what he is famous for.) No, I don't think you're really gonna cook from this book, but if you're feeling super spacegeeky check out http://www.sfsite.com/03a/cook52.htm.

SHOP.

So, J.J., what gives? You go from a kickass female heroine on Alias to a gaggle of not particularly interesting mini-skirt wearing chicks who are marginally intellectual. Gee, thanks. Um, did these chicks not go to the same Starfleet Academy that the boys who get to jump out of spaceships and enter a planet's atmosphere went to? (Jump from a spaceship? Enter a planet's atmosphere? In spacesuits? I don't think so.) I'm truly disappointed, J.J. Just for that failure to execute, I'm going to suggest you buy season one of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The season of Deanna Troi walking around in that way too short skirt trying to empathize (or whatever her talent was) with people. Poor girl was probably freezing out there in space with no clothes on. Suffer, J.J., suffer. And then realize why God (and the Next Generation costume department) created pants.