Ghosts of Movies Past

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past-Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner


SEE.



Matthew McConaughey was put here on earth to teach me how to love. (Sadly, he does not know that. Yet.) Sure Tom Hanks was the king of romantic comedy in the eighties but Tom doesn't sport those fabulous Lone Star abs, anymore now, does he? Matthew's romantic comedy style seems perpetually hitched to the idea of a guy with serious flaws who meets the "one," and is, subsequently, dragged kicking and screaming to a happy life of true love. That may be why I watch these films over and over. I, too, need to overcome something in me that resists love. (Mostly the fact the Matthew is not available to me, I think.) No matter how stupid the premise or poorly executed his films are, I always have something to learn from him about how to open myself up to love. And let's face it, he ain't a bad teacher to have. Although, sadly, I don't recall McConaughey giving us a full-on view of his abs in this one.



Enough about abs. Ghosts is actually creatively executed despite some blandness of spirit. Jennifer Garner does that strange and painful looking "shoulders back, chest forward" alien-like walk that she does. Alas, she doesn't sparkle like she did in Thirteen Going on Thirty. Perhaps, because Garner doesn't believe that a man who has slept with enough women to rival Wilt Chamberlain will change his ways, settle down with "the one," and stay faithful! (Forgive me, I'm a cynic). I'd say that ranks right up there with me being more likely to be hit by lightning than get married at my age.


Still, there are more than a few bright spots in the picture. For what it's worth, Breckin Meyer actually pulls off a fairly touching speech about brotherly love (still no substitute for Matthew's abs.) But the true star of this vehicle is Michael Douglas. (Anne Archer and Robert Forster are pretty much wasted here.) Few men can pull off seventies-era chauvinism with style and humor that makes it seem almost charming instead of humiliating and demeaning to women. I said almost. I mean no one actually operates like that in real life, right? Riiiight. Anyway, what I learned from about how to love from Mr. McConaughey is to continue to withhold sex until the bastard marries you or gives up and leaves. Love is war, people. Love is war.



EAT.




What is with wedding cakes? Are they really the be all and end all of a wedding? What if you just didn't have one? Go with frozen yogurt instead. Okay, clearly I've never been a bride. Still, what are you gonna do if the largest, most frightening looking wedding cake known to man gets destroyed by a cynical womanizer who doesn't believe in love? Well, before you kill the bastard, visit http://www.wedaholic.com/archives/discover_great_alternatives_to_the_traditional_wedding_cake.php.
You might just thank him instead.




SHOP.




How about a winter coat, Matthew? Sure you look great in a leather jacket and that frou-frou scarf, but seriously?! It's thirty below. There are snow drifts. Be realistic. Rico Suave doesn't live here. Dress appropriately. In the real world, a man dressed like that in winter in the northeast would have hypothermia. In fact, that may explain the delusions about ghosts of girlfriends past that Matthew was experiencing in the film. A warm winter coat might have saved everybody a lot of grief. http://www.bluefly.com/Designer-Mens-Coats-Jackets/_/N-7q6/list.fly?referer=Rgoogle&cm_mmc=EF-_-Google-_-Out_G_A_M-_-Mens_Winter_Coats&ef_id=1852:3:s_a2674e6c1d7ab1166141cb9635b49e1a_2528779568:PBCfLdB6MjYAADSiNrkAAAAC:20090525055351
And, they're on sale 'cause not all of us can have extremely wealthy relatives and be successful fashion photographers. Capiche, screenwriter-types?