You're gonna want something stronger.

SEE?

According to Wikipedia, bottle-shock can occur after bottling or transporting wine thus causing the flavors of certain wines to temporarily become muted or disjointed. Viewer-shock occurs after a moviegoer leaves the theater bent out of joint because a perfectly interesting story has been irreparably damaged by lackluster writing and misguided direction. The elements are all in Bottle Shock. An underdog story. A beautiful setting. Alan Rickman. Kicking French ass on French soil. A female intern who couldn't find a bra in the entire state of California. (Oh wait, it's the seventies, the bras were burned and didn't resurface until the one with the tassels appeared in that Madonna video.)

So why didn’t I stand up and cheer when the low-brow California wines beat the almighty French wines in a competition that changed the world of wine forever? Well… main character Jim Barrett (Bill Pullman) is an unlikable hard ass. Seriously, give me something to work with here. I have no idea what I’m supposed to like about this guy, and by the end of Bottle Shock, I almost start rooting for the French. Almost. His son, Bo Barrett (Chris Pine), did not win my heart either although that could have been the wig. (Please tell me that was a wig.) Gee, you used your mommy's money to buy the extra wine barrels your dad needs? Boohoo. Oh, and by the way, in the film version, Bo Barrett did not "save" the vineyard. It was the aforementioned braless intern, Sam (Rachael Taylor), who takes this slacker to a wine expert for some advice. I really wanted the wise and unjustly-persecuted-for-being-Mexican Gustavo Brambila (Freddy Rodriguez) to win. After all, his heart was inexplicably broken by the braless intern. Alright, Gustavo didn't seem that bothered by it but, it really irked me.

But wait, where there's Alan Rickman, there's hope. Rickman's Steven Spurrier is really the only underdog in this movie worth rooting for. He's a Brit who has chosen to live amongst the French and sell their wine to them. Um. Well, maybe, there's only so much sympathy you can give the man. Nonetheless, Rickman manages to make a snooty, know-it-all character appear a touch insecure and vulnerable. When Jim Barrett asks if there is a spare tire while he offers roadside assistance to Spurrier, Spurrier responds with a combination of indignity and bewilderment, "Yes, and a snakebite kit!" C'mon. Isn't he just the cutest? (Sadly, he doesn’t make wine so you can’t really root for him.) If Alan Rickman doesn't float your boat then consider the opportunity to view Dennis Farina in a full-on seventies green polyester suit complete with a silk neck scarf. Maybe if you drink a bottle of fine Cali wine beforehand, you can avert viewer-shock and just leave pleasantly buzzed. Probably not. I'd try a double scotch instead.



SHOP.

Clothes, clothes, clothes. It's all about the seventies so get to know the retro at http://www.ballyhoovintage.com and http://www.rustyzipper.com. Sure people will look at you all funny and stuff but, hey, Dennis Farina owns his look. No, I don't mean literally. He works it, and you can too.

EAT.

Before “spam” was known as junk mail in your e-mail inbox (hell, before there was e-mail), Spam was a lunch meat. It was invented in 1937. It was doled out to those in need during WWII. It scared many a school age child when they opened their lunch pail during the Cuban missile crisis. Still, for some strange reason, I associate Spam with the seventies. My mom never fed me Spam but, dammit, I'm trying to celebrate a decade here. Sure I could have easily typed up some list of the California vineyards that competed in the 1976 competition that this movie is based on, but wouldn't you rather have something hearty and, possibly, non-biodegradable. Check out http://www.spam.com/ for Spam recipes, fascinating Spamfacts and even, a Spam store. Yeah, you heard me. If that doesn't give you bottle-shock, I don't know what will.