I'll have the Corman classic with a side of abs.

See.


I paid to see Death Race. I'm not going to justify it. I'm not going to pretend that there was some higher purpose in seeing this remake of a Roger Corman cult classic. (I've never seen the original.) I just plain love Jason Statham. In The Bank Job, he proved that he is capable of more that an annoyed look and a good shirtless fistfight. But I came for the annoyed look and a good shirtless fistfight. I came to see unnecessary, disturbing violence, over-the-top explosions and ridiculously jarring car racing. When it was over, I was sated. I can't help that Joan Allen has been left with no choice in her career but to play a stereotypical, uptight well...do I have to say it? Next Steel Magnolias, she'll get her shot. Paul "W.hat S.**t" Anderson has no business trying to give Joan any depth or humanity anyway. I didn't come to see her abs after all.

Oh, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the king of Deadwood, Ian McShane. Good Lord. I love this man. What must he have thought? Good fun! I'm a Golden Globe-winning, Emmy-nominated actor. I should take a crack at banal, inane dialogue now that I've mastered the modern day Shakespearean wordsmithing of David Milch. "Give me a line like 'Now that's entertainment.' Let me work my magic on it." I know, I know. Those who can't write, gripe. Seriously, though, when is Deadwood the Movie coming out?



Shop.



Look. I've never been to an operational women's prison but I'm pretty sure they don't prance around in the cutoff waffle shirts and low-riding jeans that the chicks in this movie were sporting. I say go for authenticity. Visit http://procorroutfitters.com/. Get yourself a roomy orange jumpsuit and some "comfortable" shoes. They even have underwear. (Frankly, I'm not sure the female prisoners in this movie had any on.) Discounts if you buy in bulk!



Eat.



My gut says stick with the standard prison food reference here. Find a buffet restaurant chain and let 'em have at. Still that just doesn't seem to strike the right chord with this particular prison movie. Maybe it's the abundant use of oil stains on the cast's wardrobe but I feel that something more is merited here. Dictionary.com defines a "greasy spoon" as a "cheap and rather unsanitary restaurant." (I just thought of it a place to get a good burger but I'll go with the pros here.) Death Race, while probably not cheap, didn't seem particularly clean. I think what is required here is a real cholesterol boosting experience. Large men donning plaid shirts and leather jackets. A waitress named Flo. So, check out "Guy's hotspots" under Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on http://foodnetwork.com/. Guy Fieri lists numerous "good eatin' " food spots that will fortify you for your race to the Death.