I take it all back.

The Invention of Lying-Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner











SEE.







Remember when I said that lying is bad. Well, I did, dammit! I was wrong. Lying is what makes the world go round. We human beings are really at our nastiest when we don't lie. Screw George Washington and the cherry tree. If I told you that you were a big, fat pig with an ugly nose and bad breath every day of your life, how would that help you? Okay, well, you might drop some pounds and eat a mint, but that's not the point. Lies help ease the pain. Easing the pain makes people feel good. When people feel good, they do good. They don't go around trying to make other people feel bad so that they can feel better. Right?! Well, maybe not, but it sure it painful watching people get told the truth constantly. Don't ever believe somebody who says they want you to tell them the truth. THEY ARE LYING. Rest assured that shortly after you reveal the truth to this liar, you will lose your job or your lover or your friend. Count on it. Lying is the glue that holds humanity together. A little known fact that Ricky Gervais has stumbled onto in this clever little movie.











Now that I've sworn only to lie, I can tell you a few non-truths. This movie has more than one punchline. This movie runs along at record pace. Jennifer Garner's bizarre robot-in-a-corset walk does not bug. Rob Lowe looks good with his hair slicked down. This is not just a version of Ricky Gervais' standup on the big screen. Those non-truths aside, I enjoyed the movie. Mostly because it confirmed for me what I've always known. Telling the truth is a selfish and self-serving act. Maybe I feel better telling the truth, maybe not, but I know for sure that nobody can call me out for lying. Lying is the worst of all evils in polite society (except for maybe incest.) Nobody ever gets called before the Senate subcommittee for all the truths they are accused of telling. And yet lying might help someone get through and otherwise awful day. "Yes, that dress looks good on you." "No, you didn't sound stupid." Yes, he loves you." Lies help us function in a cruel, cruel world. So, even if this is the greatest movie ever made, you should still see it, just so you can embrace your inner liar.











EAT.







I don't care what you eat just go to a restaurant with paper napkins and plastic menus. Eat the food and tell the chef it was the best food you've ever tasted. Would it kill ya?











SHOP.







Mansions. That's right, when we die, we all get mansions in the sky. Why wait for the afterlife? What better time that during the housing slump to search for that dream mansion? No, it's not hell, it's Detroit. Help rebuild the Motor City. Buy a prize at http://thesmarterwallet.com/2009/bargain-homes-detroit-mansions/. You'll love it there. Would I lie to you?