When is Graduation Again?

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-Daniel Radcliffe, Alan Rickman








SEE.





I'm a bad person. The entire time I was watching this movie I was thinking, "Hmmm. Legal age. Hmmm. Daniel Radcliffe. Didn't he do a play where he had to be naked? So far away from Hogwarts." Bad, bad, bad. "Perhaps," I suddenly realized, "I should not be going to movies made for children, but what am I to do? It's either that or a summer of dick flicks." (Yeah . You heard me.) Anyhoo. I go to Harry Potter for the magic. I go for the...for the...Alan Rickman. Who am I kidding? I'm almost 40. I'm not interested in the dating angst of British teenagers even if they are wizards-in-training.




The one thing that sustained the previous films (for those of us too shallow to follow the books) was action. Mystery, suspense and action. Without the relationships the action has no resonance. (Strong relationships and convincing characters make any movie.) But the Half-Blood Prince lacks enough forward motion for a movie of it's length to make me think I was actually moving backward in time. (Which was nice for a while when thought I could get back to the first film and maybe stay awake.) Somebody, somewhere thought that I wanted to see 2 hours of teenage girls falling gaga over Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) or Hermione (Emma Watson) pining over Ron (Rupert Grint) then Spackle in some wand waving and evil doing (in some of the most undramatic scenes ever filmed in the series) to jolt the overage viewers out of their comas. Well, I realize now, they weren't thinking about me. Fine. Don't my dollars count? (No one needs to know that I saw this movie for free. Oops.)



Why do I keep going, you ask? It's a free country after all. Look. I went to the first Harry Potter in order to participate in the phenomenon. Then, I noticed Severus Snape (Alan Rickman.) As my friend observed, Rickman can steal a scene without saying a word. That voice. Catnip to women my age. (Not that women my age use catnip for anything.) What do I care about Harry Potter? The chosen one?! Pshaw! I'm going to the dark side with Professor Snape. Apparently, it's where the grownups play. So, yes, although I have officially lost interest in where these students at Hogwarts are going (and they'd better get there fast or they'll need to open a graduate school), but I'll persevere until the end. I might root for the wrong side, but, hey, at least I'll have bought a ticket for the show! (No really I'll buy a ticket for the next one.)



EAT.



Love Potions. Okay, really? Why are the girls the only ones who employ love potions in these stories? There's not a guy somewhere in the world who wants some chick to fall in love with him? Can you even get love potions? Of course you can. This is the Internet age! Be careful what you wish for-http://www.links2love.com/love_potion.htm. For the grownups, there is a better option. It's tried-and-true. Booze. Try mixing these cocktails up-http://www.starchefs.com/love_potions/volumne_01/html/index.shtml. After all, booze makes everybody more attractive. Well, not everybody.





SHOP.



There was a woman in her late 50s exiting the screening before mine. She had a wizard hat on. A) I would have been pissed if I was sitting behind her. B) What the F**k! It's not Halloween! You are not 8 years old! Forgive me. I don't dress as movie characters to see the movie. Can you imagine dressing up as Elizabeth Bennett for Pride and Prejudice. People would stare. Not in Hollywood but in other, normal cities. If you are over 21 and you must dress as your favorite Harry Potter character in order to fully enjoy the cinematic experience, firstly, please seek medical attention. Secondly, you can pick up character appropriate costumes and paraphernalia at http://www.wbshop.com/Costumes-for-Adults/hpcosta,default,sc.html?AID=8123472&PID=2234704 or http://www.buyharrypottercostumes.com/adult-harry-potter-costumes.html or http://www.anniescostumes.com/hpotterad.htm. Hmmm. This might be a bigger problem than I thought.