Just add a soundtrack.

The Hangover-Bradley Cooper, Justin Bartha





SEE?





I was told that this movie was nonstop laughs from beginning to end. LIES. Okay. Maybe it's not a complete lie, but I did NOT laugh from beginning to end. In fact, most of the people around me did not laugh from beginning to end. I attribute this disappointment to two problems. First, I saw this movie too late in the game. Almost 3 weeks after it's release. You see the tickets sold; you hear people talk; and your perspective gets skewed. You'll either expect too much or too little. (I, for example, expected too much. WAY TOO MUCH.) Second, what in the name of giving away all the good stuff in the trailer is going on with movie advertising these days. Every funny moment in the movie (tiger in the bathroom), any possible point of surprise (Mike Tyson) was revealed in the trailer. I know I should have figured this out going in, but I held out hope. that there was going to be something truly spectacular to trump all of the things in the trailer. (There was not.)





May I just point out at this time that I know it's Mike Tyson. You know it's Mike Tyson. If the character in the movie has to also say, "Hey, it's Mike Tyson!" then clearly the writer and/or the director know that the audience for this movie isn't old enough to get it. So, why bother?





Look, we have a good premise here. Four guys go to Vegas for a bachelor party. Problem is they get so wrecked that they lose the groom. As they try to piece together their whereabouts, bizarre encounters reveal more clues about what may or not have happened to their buddy. It's really not a bad idea. It's just poorly executed. Wasted talent. Oh, and boys, I know you get really excited about having hot chicks and strippers in your movie 'cause you wrote them in and all, but you can't fool me. No, I did not buy the whole "Phil falls back in love with his wife and kid after his horrible experience in Vegas rah rah family" angle. You wanna know why? I never saw him realize how important his family was to him. There was no moment in which he understands that he might not appreciate what he has. So, no, the whole deep kiss of his wife and remembering his kid's soccer game at the end of the movie did not ring true. We, the audience, need to see the characters learn and grow as people. Believe it or not, if you can't provide the laughs, the least you can do is provide that. Comedy doesn't have to be devoid of meaning, boys!





Just because it's a stupid boys go to Vegas movie, doesn't mean it can't be good. In the interest of making better movies, can we PLEASE, PLEASE stop the sophomoric use of stereotypes whenever we use ethnic actors. "Black Doug"-what are you wearing on your head? Wedding chapel guy-seriously with the accent? What country are you supposed to be from anyway? And what purpose does the accent serve anyway? Pseudo-gay, Asian crime of fashion character- REALLY?, riffing of of a stereotype of Asians? Shame on you. Luckily, all the white guys were normally played. Well, almost. Hey, the bad Asian stereotypes all even out by calling the big white guy "fat" all the time. Good for you boys!


As we aim to make better comedies, can we please stop picking Bradley Cooper to be the asshole in every movie? He really was the most sympathetic character in Alias. Why is he doomed to be creepy dick now? Hollywood, help him please. I swear he is meant for better things. Heather Graham. What is going on with you? No offense but you are too old to be playing bit stripper breast-bearing roles in stupid frat boy movies. You've been in this game too long to suffer such an indignity unless it's gonna nab you an Oscar. No roles available to you? Write your own damn movie next time. You can't write a worse movie than this one. I hope.





EAT.





Um, you don't want to eat. You're too hungover. The very sight of food makes you want to hurl.





SHOP.





Jock straps. Lined with metal plates. Do they make those anywhere? 'Cause if you're gonna get tasered in the nuts, you're gonna need it. Okay. Maybe plastic plates instead of metal. Yeah, that would be better. You might have to make this from scratch. Go here for a prototype http://bodybuilderfitness.com/pro1078038.html. (Yeah, I looked it up. What are you looking at?) Fine. Ignore my advice. You must be a glutton for punishment.