Generation Nice.

Children's Television-WTH!




Parents, this will be unbelievably offensive as I am not a parent.
You've been warned.





SEE?







So, I'd like to take a moment to depart from reviewing adult-oriented films, and express my concerns about what today's youth is watching. No. I'm not concerned that our little ones are watching too much foul-mouthed,violent, overtly sexual, morally complicated, cynical television. I'm concerned that they are not watching enough of it. Yeah. You heard me. Lookout, America. You reap what you sow, and you're sowing the seeds of Generation Nice. Sure. We want our little darlings to grow up with decent qualities that will render them capable of navigating the choppy waters of social acceptability. We also want them to be able to share with others and follow through with difficult tasks. And what a bonus if they can speak one or more languages fluently before they're in college. Thank you, Dora the Explorer! Si and yes.



When I'm in my twilight years and the world is rapidly sinking down the toilet (literally and figuratively), I may be comforted to know that my country is being capably run by the sweetest, most law-abiding, honest generation ever raised. And then again, I may not be. Maybe, I actually believe that not all things in this world are gained by being polite. Maybe, I want some ruthless, independent, get-it-at-all-costs c**ksuckers on my team. You know, like the innovative bastards who built this country because they were not suckled at their mothers' breasts until the age of thirty. Yes, there was thievery, racism, sexism, hell, every "ism" in the book used to make this country a superpower, but that's not what I'm advocating. I'm looking for the qualities of endurance, perseverance coupled with nerve, innovation and desire. I'm looking for the leaders not the followers in today's youth. And what I'm seeing frightens me.


We place our children in front of television screens and have them watch animated movies and TV shows designed to impart "life lessons" through the eyes of their favorite fluffy characters. Heaven forbid we shove them outside with some sunscreen and a curfew and tell them to use what's left of their imagination for a change. Maybe, if we didn't isolate our children inside, I wouldn't be forced to watch remakes of movies and TV shows that I already saw in their original format-yeah, I'm that old. Maybe our kids wouldn't be whiny zombies whose only ambition is in finding the path of least resistance.


Hey, here's a thought (before I have to watch one more Sleeping Beauty, Dora the Explorer, Wonder Pets DVD with my niece.) Life is hard. Making it easy or even easier for kids than you had it is the legacy of all parents I suppose, but you aren't doing your kids or yourselves or your planet any favors by holding your kids' hands all damn day. After I played outside(!), my parents sat me down in front of two of the most boring shows a child could watch the McNeill-Lehrer News Hour and/or 60 Minutes. My parents were not afraid for me to see blood, conflict and good versus evil in the real world because the real world is where I was going to be living. (Oddly, my mother always covered my eyes for certain parts of the Kung Fu television series, but who can blame her?)


Yeah, it's sweet teaching our kids to share with others, to be nice, to be bilingual, to save baby dolphins trapped in fishing nets. These are all admirable traits and goals, and I'd love to see my niece go save some dolphins in the ocean with her cartoon pets while speaking Spanish. NOT THE REAL WORLD. (Well, the Spanish part is.) At what age do you introduce reality? At what age do you stop our children from worrying about imaginary monsters and start focusing their attention on facing real problems? I say, don't wait too long. You do them a disservice by shielding from the world they live in instead of showing them yourselves how to use the best tools to navigate this world and perhaps even be independent and savvy enough to change it for the better. Parents may point to a show like Gossip Girl and think their kids are growing up too soon. I assure you Gossip Girl is no measure of adulthood, and your kids may need to grow up sooner than you think.










EAT.





Adult food. Time to stop catering to what the kiddies say they want to eat. When your kid gets to the school cafeteria, she will not be offered whatever her little heart desires so time to toughen her up. Enough picky eaters. Serve 'em a steak or chicken wing or a tofuburger for all I care, but it's time to cowboy up!








SHOP.





Let's start small. Ease your kid into the adult world with a morning news show (it's hardly news at all) then work your way to the nightly stuff. Teach your kids that bad things happen, personal responsibility is as important as working with others and humor helps us all to survive in tough times.